What If Wednesday…Dr. Seuss Wrote Twilight

Dr. Suess makes everything better. Especially Twilight.

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Ed-My-Vam, Ed-My-Vam!

Oh how I love you, Ed-My-Vam!

I don’t like the way I am,

Please bit me, BITE ME, Ed-My-Vam!

 

Bella-Sue, Bella-Sue,

I know what is best for you!

Biting you I will not do!

I will not bite you, Bella-Sue!

 

Ed-My-Vam, Ed-My-Vam.

I wanna be in your clan!

Where you’d do it, I don’t care.

Would you bite me here or there?

 

I would not bite you here or there!

I would not bite you ANYWHERE!

Biting you I will not do!

I will not bite you, Bella-Sue!

 

Would you bite me under the moon?

Or we can do it in my room!

 

I would not bite you under the moon!

Nor do I want to in your room!

I will not bite you here or there,

I will not bite you ANYWHERE!

Biting you I will not do!

Dare I repeat it, Bella-Sue?!!!

 

Would you, could you, here at prom?

So I can be Vampire Swan?

 

I would not, could not at the prom!

Where everyone can see? That’s so dumb!

I would not under the moon

Nor will I do it in your room!

I would not bite you here or there!

I would not bite you ANYWHERE!

I will not do it, no can do!

So just LIVE WITH IT, Bella-Sue!

 

Oh my perfect Ed-My-Vam,

You are the lion, while I’m the lamb!

But this lamb won’t give a … darn

I don’t mind you inflicting harm!

 

Had I not made it clear to you?

I WILL NOT BITE YOU BELLA-SUE!

You must take my word as truth!

Because I know much more than you!

 

Ed-My-Vam, Ed-My-Vam,

You don’t see how desperate I am.

If you won’t bite me at the prom,

On the neck or on the arm,

If you will not under the moon,

In the forest or in my room.

If you will not here or there,

If you will not do it anywhere,

Then fine! I get it… I’ll get back.

I’ll just go date Jacob Black.

 

Bella-Sue, Bella-Sue,

I’m glad I’ve finally got through to you!

…Wait, did you say Jacob Black?

I’ll do it now, oh Bella! COME BACK!

by ~Glowin-theSHARK

(Isn’t it brilliantly wonderful)

4 Comments

  1. Susan R says:

    LOL!!!

  2. Val says:

    LMAO I had tears and the timing was outstanding. I put my 3 yo to bed with There’s No Place Like Space an hr ago.

  3. Melissa P. says:

    ROTFLMFAO! This Awesome.

  4. Joanne B says:

    OMG! Hysterical!

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